Thoughts from ADs patients
I know you think that I should recognize you, but sometimes you may look like my mother, son, sister, or whoever. When that happens, do your best to try to be whoever I think you are for the moment.- I am often frightened and confused so I may create a place of safety for myself in my mind.
- If I say that I want to go home or back to school, don’t keep dragging me back to your reality. Let me stay where I feel comfortable for as long as I need to be there.
- My eyesight and hearing are all messed up. So is my body temperature sometimes. Yes, I can be cold on a summer’s day. Talk to me to my face, speak slowly, don’t yell and screech. Don’t keep asking me why I can’t see or hear something.
- My sense of smell is also going, so that means my taste in foods is changing. Please be flexible about my meals.
- My speech is garbled, maybe gone completely, but I can still communicate somewhat with my eyes and body language. Try to pay attention to such signals.
- Don’t think ill of me for taking off all my clothes. My skin can become very sensitive and I may need a mild pain reliever to help me.
- If I’m suffering from depression, a mild mood elevator may help. Don’t expect me to ‘snap out of it’.
- I am not a ‘dirty old man’ if I make a pass at a young woman. I may just be flashing back to my youth when that was acceptable. Please don’t be upset because I find someone attractive. Just tell me politely that it is not acceptable-and be aware that it may happen again.
- If I forget something, remind me gently. If I forget that someone is coming to visit, or that I am due somewhere, help me to realize that it is OK if we are a little late or that everything is not ready.
- When I forget, either laugh with me or hug me, but please do not try to make excuses for me. When you do that, it makes me angry and I feel that you do not understand what I am feeling inside.
- Don’t assume that I am useless because I have Alzheimer’s. Don’t treat me as a child. Let me do tasks that I can still handle so that I know I am still important.
- Keep me active and treat me as you always have. I’m still the same person. I just have a memory problem.
- I am still capable of sharing love and affection. Hold my hand, give me a hug, kiss my cheek and tell me you love me-then I know that I still matter to you.
- Yes, I probably did know that ‘something’ was wrong before anyone else noticed or I went to a doctor. I just couldn’t explain it, besides I was frightened and upset.
- I cannot sit quietly in a chair or stay in bed all day. Sometimes I have to just move physically. Keep my pathways safe so that I can walk around. Remind me to rest on occasion.
- Don’t expect me to learn and retain new things, my memory doesn’t work that well anymore and your efforts will only frustrate both of us.
- Please don’t feel that you have to insist on telling me the truth about everything, it is not always helpful. Like you, there’s little I can do about bad news and telling me about it over and over until I ‘understand’ only adds to my stress, and stress is very bad for me.
- If I am not a danger, I don’t have to be medicated just because I am loud and overactive. I know it may be an annoyance to you, but I can’t help it.
- Don’t hurry me. Hurrying me tends to make me forget and then I get confused.
- Don’t keep asking me questions. This frustrates me and makes me feel like I am being tested. When I say I don’t know how to do something, just come and help me. No words are needed and chances are that tomorrow I may be able to do it on my own.
- When I tell you something ‘dumb’ that I did, please listen and try to understand that I am really trying to tell you that I am scared and hurting. I need to be loved and given time to talk about what is happening to me.
